:mattLandia:: OPEN MEMO TO G.I.L.O

DATE: November 11, 2004

TO: G.I.L.O (Gastrointestinal Liberation Organization)

RE: Peace Talks

FM: mattLandia HQ

To the Microbiasitic Leaders of GILO,

As indicated in previous complaints wired from the mattLandia HQ to your gastric tract of residence (see the cerebral record bank, all thoughts with a date stamp starting 04021990 to current with a prefix identifier of 2-MCH-CRP), HQ wishes to open peace talks and begin a dialogue leading to a complete cessation of all hostilities and blatant attacks to the Torso region.

Since hijacking a rogue piece of lettuce in the mountains of Ecuador in the early 90's, your campaign of terror and agenda for gastric totalitarianism has been predicated on a combination of fascist and anarchic factors not entirely clear to HQ. Early on, assumptions were made that there were in fact no rebels or WGD's (weapons of gastric destruction) present in the Torso or Esophageal regions, but a continuing cycle of news worthy commando cramp attacks and intestinal destruction seem too well organized to be the by-product of happenstance diet and emotional distress. Only in more recent years has HQ been able to put a face on GILO's murky misplaced duodenal statolatry.

HQ has a long history of making concessions to GILO in hopes of prolonged peace, including but not limited to:

	An embargo on all dairy products.
	The DLPAP (Daily Lactaid Pill Administration Policy) put into effect in the mid 90's.
	Victory in the Thyroid coup of 98, resulting in the ongoing maintenance of generally accepted metabolic rates for all corporeal parties in mattLandia, GILO included.
	Deportation of any HQ allies deemed prone to drama and stress.
	Blockades against various GILO antagonist groups such as Colombian Coffee Cartel, Herr Biersteiners, RJ Reynolds, and that ravaging capitalist Mr. McDonald. (HQ concedes the blockade against antagonist factions is porous at best, and regrets any undocumented 'illegals' that secure entry to the torso.)

These concessions notwithstanding, GILO has a history of launching public attacks against HQ in the most devastating and humiliating of manners including, but most definitely not limited to the following records:

	At the height of HQ's Rock bubble, GILO launched a premeditated series of attacks to coincide with start of every live show HQ was involved in, often leaving HQ to seriously ponder the comparative evil of forced evacuation into a bar toilet or performing on stage with ass severely clenched.
	After hours of wooing female targets of infatuation, GILO would launching a sneak attack in critical seconds leading up to the 'liason-indelicto', resulting in a rapid abort of the mission at hand and a quick evacuation of the premises.
	GILO Protesters derailed a perfectly pristine ride down the side of snow covered mountain, forcing HQ to seek cover in a makeshift tree blind until the protest had 'passed'.

HQ was willing to let GILO maintain its decades long status in the general ‘life nuisance' department, had GILO not recruited international support and launched OPERATION TOKYO DEATH FISH in April of 2004. History will show that HQ had grown complacent and had not truly considered the implications of international GILO organization. However, HQ could not let OPERATION TOKYO DEATH FISH go unanswered. HQ has and will continue to use all weapons available to rid the world of the GILO's terrorist policies including the Ultrasound, CT Scans, EGD, Tissue Biopsies, Maximum Strength Horse-size Pills, and Aggressive Dietary Sanctions.

Unfortunately, it seems GILO has retreated into Fallujah-like corners of the Torso; corners that don't see the big picture and refuse a unilateral cessation of hostilities and dialogue for a new era in gastric/HQ cohabitation.

Let this memo serve notice that GILO has 5 days to completely leave the Torso, before HQ deploys PRIMAL DEFENSE, a Probiotic wonder drug which promises the restoration of a proper balance of power in mattLandia. Be warned, HQ will not be deterred by the 'alternative' medicine label or the foul taste of dirt in 'all natural' wonder pills.

The days of GILO are over. Retreat now or face herbal remedy annihilation.

Sincerely,

mattLandia HQ