:mattLandia:

Go to the cube labeled 5F-LR-LC (5th Floor-Last Row-Last Cube) and you'll find me strapped to a plastic and polyester covered Magnetar. Yes, this uber-rare galactic phenomenon is hidden -- trapped under the weight of my corporate ass. Surprised? Well, you can imagine MY surprise.

I've been in a state of panic the past week, seeing as how all creativity has been stripped from my bones with the clinical precision of a dental pick. I've stared at my blog; fingers bloated from too much salt and Root beer, wondering how and when I forgot how to type (or 'key' for you purists). I've had a compulsion to paint everything beige. I've found a piece of ice to be entirely too amusing. READ: I lost my creative game.

To my relief, I read all about Magnetars today and how Bryan Gaensler, a Cosmic Detective from the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, has solved their mystery. "Magnetars have the highest magnetic fields in the universe -- nothing else comes close," Gaensler said.

"Whew", I thought as I read on. Silly me. I thought maybe I was just overworked, over-stressed, or experiencing a dose of good old-fashioned burn out. Turns out I've just been sitting in proximity to a stealthy terrestrial Magnetar (no doubt engineered by Herr Rumsfeld and his boys), inadvertently having all my right brain ions demagnetized. Duh! I can't tell you how wonderful I feel now that I've identified my creative antagonist. "On guard ye celestial cretin! Have at you I will!" (Repeat the last sentence in your best Sean Connery accent -- it reads much better that way.)

Tomorrow I'll just wear aluminum foil boxers under my trousers, since aluminum foil is well regarded in my X-File-Withdrawal-Anonymous support group as a repellent to all things sinister and invisible. It worked for those kids in Signs didn't it? So if you see me walking around tomorrow in a my-groin-is-chapped sort of way, I'm sure you won't be far from the truth.