:mattLandia:

I'm only a few steps away from a support group. I'm sure of it. I am addicted to Creamy Cucumber Salad Dressing (Kraft or the Generic, I could really care less which). I can't remember the first time I got my mitts on a handle o' Creamy Cucumber. I fairly certain I avoided that bottle until there was not other white sauce in the fridge that would adequately cover the taste of lettuce. My "eww" quickly turned to "aahh" and just like crack, I was hooked.

About two years ago, most major grocery retailers (Publix, Kroger, Winn-Dixie) stopped carrying Creamy Cucumber dressing as part of the standard salad dressing assortment. I remember walking up and down the dressing isle, in denial, sure that I was just blind to the label. My slow dull pace quickened, and the first bitter taste of panic began to rise from my belly. Quiet panic to turned to full blown hysteria and I started swiping arm fulls of inferior white dressings from the shelves in cascading waves of plastic bottles! "Cucumber.. I NEED Cucumber... I NEED CUCUMBER... IIII NEEED CREAMY CUCUMBERRR YOU FACIST GROCERY CUCUMBER OPPRESORS..!!" I screamed a blinding rage inside my head.

The past two years I suffered. Once tantalizing salads are eaten half heartedly. I stand, alone, in front of the salad dressing shelves, my soul racked with memories of savory Creamy Cucumberfied salads of years past.

But on occasion -- rare occasions -- like two days ago -- Creamy Cucumber salad dressing makes a rare appearance on the shelves! I was walking past the salad dressing isle, much like you might walk past the apartment of a former lover, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted the paradisical combination of a blue green label on a bottled filled with a speckled white sauce. Without thinking, I quickdraw my cameraphone from my hip and capture this rarest of moments.

My life is will now be wonderful for as long as the three bottles I purchased will last me. Be forewarned, should you visit me at my home, I will not share my Creamy Cucumber with you. Should you reach for it, I may pimp slap you to the curb and then lock myself in the bathroom with a bag of salad and my beloved CCS.

You've been warned.