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November 28, 2005
Thanksgiving and Why My Elantra GT Rocks.
What a wonderfully gluttonous country we live in, where we have a holiday based on the ability to cram as much food in our bellies as possible! One would think that in the spirit of thanksgiving for living in the most plentiful country around, we might opt to eat less and share more on a national day of celebration. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE eating till my stomach is so distended and tight that tapping it yields the nice deep "ping" a dense watermelon! I just can't help seeing the irony of our customs.
I spent the weekend with my Florida family, eating, playing Scabble, eating, playing with nieces and nephews, watching movies, eating, sleeping and oh, did I mention eating? I might have found some way to be productive, but the whole of Martin County had a highspeed internet outage, so I was left to ... GASP... go about my day to day life with no internet! To be honest, once I got through the first day of monitor-withdrawal, it was actually quite nice. Huh. Imagine that.
For me, spending time with family always ends up being about introspection, reflection and deep thought since I can't help but notice that time is passing by whether I like it or not. Kids get taller, new children appear, gray hair sprouts, and personalities / attitudes continue to grow and change. My hat's off to Mom and Dad, who in their 36 years together have developed the patience of Saints.
Growing up in a house with 6 children, the noise level could rise quite easily and Mom was never one to suffer loud volume for more than quick spurts at a time. So this weekend, after we set up a drum kit, keyboard, guitar and amps in the living room, turned up it pretty loud and then gave the KIDS free use, I kept glancing over at Mom to see how long before she had enough. To my amazement, Mom just kept smiling and nodding her head to echoing cacaphony of dischord as though it was the nothing more than Anne Murray's Greatest Hits on the record player. Mom - you rock. I'd give Dad props for never once losing his patience too, but Dad, you're pretty much deaf so you have an unfair advantage! :)
This trip may also mark my last drive down I-75. If all goes as planned, Mom and Dad will be moving out West inside the year, Leslie and Co. will be moving to Tennesse, Jordan and Julie will move somewhere north of Broward County, and Caitlin - well, not sure where Caitline will land yet. Since I wasn't sure when I might be coming back, I decided to lug some antiques (Odom heirlooms) back home. I converted my Elantra GT into a pack mule and made the trip home, large Deacons bench riding rooftop. Although the ride was HORRIBLE, what with the pack straps literally banging and vibrating off my roof at full volume, the terrible gas mileage I got from the "slight" drag my cargo caused, the absolute lunacy of holiday traffic, and Boris farting on me in the front seat... my Elantra GT got me home.
Yeah, I drive an Elantra GT and it rocks.
November 15, 2005
Birthday Weekend 2005 - Photo Gallery
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35 Years.
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who celebrated my birthday with me. Each email, voicemail, card and gift was awesome and I consider myself to be extremely lucky in the friends department. I can't say I feel any older, but I know I make enough new mistakes with each passing year that I'm building a little bit more wisdom one day at a time. So in the spirit of growing older, let me impart a few lessons I've learned or re-learned this year:
- Metrosexuals are out. Mustachesexuals are in.
- The stress of a fake heart attack will most likely give you heart attack.
- When in India, leave India.
- Lovin' honky tonk don't mean yer a cowboy; jest means yer a honky.
- Living in the Atlanta suburbs basically sucks unless you like All-You-Can-Eat buffets, in which case you are sooo hooked up.
- When dating, if one party is shopping for a house and the other is shopping for a home, it's time for a "talk".
- Getting a tat is easy. Trying to get sleep while it heals will reduce you to tears.
That's it folks, pearls of wisdom free o' charge!
November 11, 2005
My Colon: The Traitor.
DATE: November 11, 2005
TO: G.I.L.O (Gastrointestinal Liberation Organization)
RE: The Colon: The Traitor.
FM: mattLandia HQ
To the Microbiasitic Leaders of GILO,
Apparently, the mattlandia HQ peace memo sent exactly one year ago today has done little to scale down the gastrointestinal warfare you wage on your corporal neighbors. GILO has hidden, avoiding mattlandia campaigns of AACB (Anti acid carpet bombing) and other milky liquid innundations, successfully launching periodic attacks in your jihadist quest for divine T.E.M.P (Total Embarrasment of Matt in Public). Many mattLandia members including HEAD, EYES, RIBS, the entire RUMP region, BACK, and others, remain tired of your colonic antics.
Our ongoing gastrointespionage efforts have revealed the nefarious organ known as COLON to be the ringleader behind most of this year's most heinous TEMP events. COLON has proved to be seditious, easily provoked, and erratic in behavior but rest assured, we will not cowtow to gastroterror. COLON has claimed responsibility for the following TEMP's this year:
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COLON, you are our Benedict Arnold. Like Benedict, you once fought on our side. You once took honorable glory in the greater good of corporal mattLandia. Now old foe, you seek delusional glory the in spiraling whirpool of the ceramic water alter. We will fight you till the end.
Someone get me a cork.
mattLandia HQ
November 06, 2005
The weekend in review.
Weekends are such finicky premises. One spends all week at work looking forward to that 5 o'clock Friday siren marking the end toil and a 60 hour shore pass for a little R&R. But as anyone knows, even the best laid plans for a strong weekend can go sideways real damn easy. A flat tire. Sudden bills. A cancelled party. A rabid chimp. All saboteurs that easily bitter what should be bliss, tasty eats, a little yard work and good company.
So dear reader, you'll agree it's no small wonder when a full 60 hours are strung together under the blues skies of an Indian Summer, and grant me a little indulgence in giving you a photo report on the going-ons in mattlandia.
Friday :: Bar and Conversation. Nothing beats a good plate of warm food, the clunking of ice cubes in thick glass tumbers, and a long winding train of conversation and laughter. Friday night was spent sitting at the Warren, enjoying the aforementioned luxuries.
The Bonnie to my Clyde
"I'm telling you, a boil this big is nothing to lose sleep over."
San Mateo de los Cuatro Dedos
Saturday :: Chomp and Stomp. I've grown lucky in the years I have in A-Town and probably not moreso than in having a frienship with Dan. It's good to know I can call him anytime, day or night (trust me, I've tested this) and know that there's a guy on the other end who'll do what needs doing.
MENTAL NOTE - A friend is someone who does what needs doing, often without needing to be asked. It's the 'need' that changes in color and tensile strength, making friendships pliable and prone to change.
Dan and I spent the afternoon sitting in the sun and The Cabbage Town Chomp and Stomp, eating dogs, checking out the art, people watching and scheming a plan for world domination.
Bobbing for Brussel Sprouts -- BRILLIANT.
Tolerating each other for 8 years.
Seriously. When do I get to own a classic?
Sunday :: Nachos and Pigskin. Ummm... what could be better than sitting on the couch, scarfing Nachos and Mountain Dew, watching the Falcons pound the Dolphins? Oh yeah, doing that in the company of a fine piece o' woman. For the record Zoe, hearing you say "Ooo... I like that Alge Crumpler" is just plain hot.
That's right, I mixed Black and Pinto beans. That's how I roll people.
