:mattLandia:

How much do you think Bob Costas got paid to do commentary on the Winter Olympics? It must be a number so big I would be emasculated trying to comprehend it. I sure hope it was an obscene amount because watching Bob do this commentary gig is akin to watching Martha Stewart sell me on the charm and savory flavor of a wrinkled hot dog that's been sitting all afternoon under the heat lamp of my corner Gas and Go.

Bob sits day in and out at his anchor desk (I bet Bob calls it his "burning alter of athletic absurdity",) with the look of someone who is trapped in a rogue cloud of fart gas, but whose breeding just won't let him exclaim "DEAR GODS OF SPORTS OLYMPUS, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME AND HOW LONG MUST I SPEAK OF ICE DANCING AS A SPORT AND LISTEN TO THE HALFPIPE COMMENTARY OF PAT PARNELL?! " If you look close, past the TV sheen and polished tooth veneer, you can see an icicle tear slowly melt down his cheek while Bob futilely searches for a metaphor that adequately sums up the accomplishment of one who has spent YEARS training to ride a SLED down an ice SLIDE with naught but scuba suit and helmet :: HEADFIRST.

At one point during the two week celebration of "people who go 'whoosh' in the cold", Bob had a rare moment of earnest excitement. "... and after the break, we'll be back with a sports hero to discuss blah blah blah..." (I paraphrase of course.) Who could it be I wondered? Certainly not that chump Bode. Apollo hasn't done anything yet except cause us to truly exclaim "Oh No!” Michele Kwan punked out. Who could it be?

Who would you guess got Bob Costas all excited -- for an interview during coverage of the winter OLYMPIAD?

You guessed it! It was Jerome Bettis, now retired Pittsburg Steeler running back. Bob wanted to surprise "The Bus" with news that next season The Bus would be doing regular commentary as part of NBC's "Football Night in America." Now that's a relevant Olympic moment if I've ever heard one. "Rich retired athlete finds way to keep making cash money off football -- stay tuned!"

Bob, next time the Olympics roll around, stay home and spend time memorizing your college football almanac, cleaning your ABA trading card collection, and preparing your season-opener argument to convince America that professional baseball is anything more that a bunch of over-paid drug using thugs playing stick ball in between visits to the Hummer dealership. I think it's best for everyone. I'll bet Regis is available.

"And now, let's go to a rink where a team of US men with brooms, led by Minnesota Pizzeria owner Pete Fenson, have won a bronze medal in very-cold-stone-sliding..."

Posted by mattLandia at 04:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

12:15 AM. "If only I could fall asleep. Fall asleep. Fall asleep...."
1:22 AM. "I'm still not sleeping. I wonder if I could fit a nickel in my gum wound? .... WHY can't I fall asleep. I'm sooo tired. Awww... this sucks. Fall asleep. Fall asleep..."
3:28 AM "I'm still awake. Why can't I fall aslee -- Wait a minute... It's 3:28! I don't remember anything since 1:22 AM. I was asleep! Awww, this is unbelievable, now I'm awake again! Arrwwrrgh. Fall asleep. Fall asleep!
3:47 AM. "So a vegan robot walks into the hibachi restaurant and orders sliced rump meat. Rump. What a peculiar word. Word. Word. Word. Word is a really strange word. Wwwweeerrrd. Word...."
3:48 AM. "Fall asleep. asleep. asleepa. asleepa. asleepah. asleepahtnight. Hmm. 'asleepahtnight' is really stetching the boundaries of a word...."
3:49 AM. "One sheep. Two sheep. Three Sheep. Four sheep. I bet I can use the Force to levitate sheep all over the countryside" "....nope."
4:01 AM. "I wish I could fall asleep..."

And scene.

Posted by mattLandia at 01:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Big news mattLandia readers! Although in the works for a while now, I didn't want to speak prematurely about a new development on the career front. Mr. mattLandia Himself has left the consription of global-uber-consultative-overlords and associate overlords! I've gone and joined forces with a band of merry techno-predictive-mathematic uber geeks led by our neighborhood-friendly-start-up-overlord in an effort to carve a profit-rich space in the quasi-sexy predictive analytic market place. Yee-Exponential Smoothing-Haw! (I can't wait to see what random statistics junkies end up at my site after Googling forecast modeling techniques...)

Today was spent, on the ground floor so to speak, roughing out blue prints for how we lay the corner stones in our offering. Passionate discussion with colleagues that I admire and respect, trading ideas that have merit, setting the bar high, setting aggresive timelines, etc. For anyone who's ever worked at a large company, or worked at a company that was already in business for years before you filled out your first W-4, having a seat at the table (figuratively and literally) in the infancy of a new company is extraordinary. Even more remarkable is how in-step we seem to be regarding the direction we need to move to achieve greatness. Small; Nimble; Smart; Willing -- A dangerously effective combination if there ever was one.

Normally I might temper my enthusiasm with some disclaimers on the 'reality of business' or the darwinian pragmatism of capitalism or some such; but not tonight. I'll save that for a day when I get my ass handed to me on a plate after some inevitable misstep or short-term failure. Not tonight though. Tonight I will turn out the lights, and with what mental capacity I have fully engaged and what career experience I have fully indexed, I will commence roughing out my piece of the puzzle.

Who knew preparing for free-market battle could be so good?

PS - Dry socket still sucks.

Posted by mattLandia at 11:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Yes, that's right folks, step on up and read the MEME. I was honored, yes honored, to be tagged by Patatomic himself, who in turn was tagged by the world famous DOOCE. Two degrees of separation from web fame. I feel wonderful. So enjoy some brainless readin'.

Four jobs I’ve had:
McDonalds Cook - Nothing says 'work'n man' like fingers that smell of pickles and onions.
Doughnut Fry Man - Nothing says 'ladies man' like going to 8AM class with red eyes and glaze covered Nikes.
Insulation Installation Man - Nothing says 'you are DEFINITELY going to hell' like working with glass insulation for 10 hours straight, in 100 degree heat, 100% humidity, indoors, with mosquitos biting you on the neck.
Janitor - Nothing quite says 'I'm cooler than you can ever hope to be' like getting top secret clearance to work as a janitor in the secret rooms of the CIA training base.

Four movies I can watch over and over:
Braveheart - C'mon. Dudes in blue paint sticking it to the King man. That's just fun.
Heat - Because secretly every man wants to be part of a heist.
Spinal Tap - This movie is always on 11.
City of Lost Children - Cinematic LSD.

Four places I have lived:
La Paz, Bolivia
Montevideo, Uruguary
Quito, Ecuador
Madrid, Spain

Four TV shows I love:
Survivor - I really want to wear a buff for 40 days.
West Wing - Brilliant writing.
The Office - BBC version - Who knew you could wear a shoulder holster for your cell phone.
The Biker Build Off - One day, I will drop off the grid and start my life as a grease monkey chop shop warrior.

Four places I’ve vacationed:
London, UK
Key West, FL
Red Lodge, Montana
Marbella, Spain

Four of my favorite dishes:
Red Meat.
White Meat.
The Other White Meat.
Did I say meat?

Four sites I visit daily:
Overheard in New York
MySpace
CNN
Overshadowed

Four places I would rather be right now:
Snowbird, Utah - Powder, powder, powder...
Vail, Colorado - Powder, powder, powder...
Whistler, BC - Powder, powder, powder...
Mexico City, Mexico - The Mexican rock scene. Need I say more?

Four people I am tagging:
Jill
Half of the Sky
Mel
Jason

Posted by mattLandia at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Last week I went to the dentist and reported on the wonders of sedation dentistry, where one can go into the office, fall asleep in the dental chair and wake up at home as though nothing happened. Ahhh...

Not so fast.

This might have been the end of a pleasant report, but unfortunately, my oozing jaw saga continues, for I am now fighting off dry socket. I had my follow up appointment on Monday, and to the dentist's dismay, the blood clot that is supposed to form in the wake of absent tooth (in my case teeth) was no where to be found. Our best guess is that the blood clot got as tired of soft foods as I am, and decided to head out for a burger. Instead of healing up nicely, my TWO gaping flesh wounds just sit there, refusing to close, wide open, singing dramatic opera to the rest of my oral family.

During Monday's visit and today's visit, the dentist 'gently' pried open the wound with tongs and packed it full of a foul smelling medicated paste to take the place of the clot. Today, he packed it with collagen membrane and gauze for good measure. L-o-v-e-l-y.

Stay tuned for next weeks episode of "AS THE GUMS HEAL".

Posted by mattLandia at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I hate going to the dentist. As a kid it was just your basic "mommy-don't-let-the-man-stick-metal-sticks-in-my-mouth" sort of fear, quickly cured by an apple green lollipop. However, when I was 14 or 15, I went to a sadist, I mean dentist, in Madrid who pulled a few of my teeth with his hands and NO DRUGS. He took out teeth and left horror in his wake. So believe me when I say, I hate going to the dentist.

No more! I have stepped into the sunny blue sky warmth of sedation dentistry! Yesterday I woke up at 7am, popped a few white pills and few blue pills, and had Zoe drive me to the dentist. Last thing I remember is a deep sniff of laughing gas and a smile.

I awoke hours later, minus two teeth (one dead, one wise), and a bakers dozen worth of white fillings. I looks like the dentist literally poured molten enamel down the micro canyons of each tooth. It really is a thing of beauty. The bloody gauze and swollen jaw I could really do without, but all in all, the most pleasant dental experience I have ever had. Incredibly, I SLEPT (more or less) through him having to crack my wisdom tooth into 5 pieces for extraction. This is totally the way to go.

So I'm spending the rest of the week sipping Frosty's, popping Vicodin, and waiting for the oozing holes in mouth to heal up. Decent.

Posted by mattLandia at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)