:mattLandia:

It's been awhile since I evangelized on a band, product or website, so I figured it was time to hit all three at once. If you don't already know about it, you should seriously check out Pandora.com.

The premise is simple, you can set up your own streaming radio station(s). As you fine tune your music selections, and rate songs that are suggested, your station gets better and better. I mean c'mon, I just had it select in this order:

Peaches - The Inch
Electric Six - Gay Bar
Le Tigre - Nanny Boo Boo
REO Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You
Budda Budda - Train Train

I wish I had come up with this set list on my own. Seriously would I have ever thought to follow Le Tigre with REO? Bloody brilliant! And it's never ending, the station just keeps getting better. You can check out my station here and judge for yourselves if you want.

Posted by mattLandia at 05:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Warning: the following post may stick in yer craw for hours, like the melody to "My Sharona" or that the "doo - Doo - doo - Doo" sound that announces every segment of 24.

Today I have two phrases playing PONG with each other in the echo chamber sitting directly atop my neck. I read both phrases innocently enough, but (read in your best Captain Kirksian voice) can-not-break-free-from-the-prose. So in the spirit of passing on Mono or the summer flu, let me share them with you.

PHRASE ONE:

"A field dubbed "teledildonics..."

Tele. Dildonics. Never in my wildest word concatenations have I encountered such a absurd, yet remarkably interesting word. I'm stuck replaying this phrase in my head over and over and the myriad of questions spawned. Tele implies distance... how much distance? Dildonics? The science and technology of dildos? Where does one go to school for Dildonics? Is there a brochure on the field? Who is the field's luminary? Seriously? Teledildonics? The above mentioned phrase was followed shortly by,

"The Iraq war ... was kind of a boom for our company."

Yeah, I know. Sad. Odd. Believable.

PHRASE TWO:

Wihile skipping across the many blogs I visit on a weekly basis, I came across this quote about the hot-button immigration bill (perhaps better called the "RETURN TO SENDER" bill) on my lovely college buddy's blog:

"F**k off Minuteman and white supremacists...the only people who have a right to say "send them back"...are the native americans."

Weeks of talking about the immigrant issue, debating the issue, and article after article has come no where close to succinctly putting into words my exact feeling. Lady D, you rock!

Posted by mattLandia at 03:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Ah, the joyful sensation of distended bellies, chocolate rot, and sunshine! It was a day that went off exactly as planned. You can't ask for much more than that on any day, but getting through any holiday without a 'hitch' of some sort pretty damn impressive. I won't bore you with a travelogue, instead I'll hit the high points, post a pic, and call it a night!

1 - Waking up first (for once) and enjoying a heaping bowl of Raisen Bran and Bananas. One day soon the Surgeon General is going to release a statement advising us all of the crack like addiction of Raisin Bran, millions of people will immediately try to quit by going cold turkey, and our kids will be all like "Oi, oi, it's all sex, drugs, and raizinbrann yo." And I'll be like "you snotty kinder bandwaggoners, I was like free spooning the Bran back in the Day. So check it."

2 - Nothing quite conveys the a day of worship and reflection on Christ's Sacrifice like an Alll-You-Can-Eat-Buffet. Make that an All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet in the heart of Dixie stocked with fried green tomatoes, squash casserole, mint jelly and cherry cola ham, and I get down right reverent.

3 - Windows down. Blueberry skies. 80 degress. Passenger food coma. Driving past the "Gwinnet is Great" water towers, listening to obscure, "hard to get it in the States", German band Ocker. Perhaps the best driving music I've found in years. Yeah, you read about here first. Deal with it.

4 - Having my little sister move in with me and my bro, already a mattLandia guest for about 3 months. Seriously cool to have family close enough to throw a dirty sock at. Only thing that would be better would be to have my brothers wife and kids packed in here too!

So there it is. Easter 06 in an eggshell.

Posted by mattLandia at 10:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It’s a crisp air this mornin’ it is. Blowin’ in from the East, I kin most practically hear the creak of wood fighting off Mr. Jones and his bloody locker. Yet, hear I sit, high on sandy dune, sipping me fine wine while the Govenor fattens his reputation ‘bout gett'nme to sit still for a spell.

How’s a man the likes of me gon’ sit still like a sickly dog, licking his bone as if it’s enough to keep him from straying? For Peter’s sake, I was born for the shallow draft and a mischievous wind! I am born up upon the wings of impish nymphs, casting my hungry eye wheresoever I desire. That fool Swift and his sermonizing! “Your wickedness makes you, as it were, heavy as lead and to tend downwards with great weight and pressure towards hell… blah blah blah” HA! Bring me my head of smoke and I’ll show you the pressures of hell indeed!

But not today, I fathom. Today I am set upon by fortuitous circumstance, and were you to come near to my grape infused breath, you would see in the gleam of black eyes that I am in fact content to sit; to drink; to count my coin; and let another pass between me and a whimsical fate all the while singing, “More wine! More wine! More salty meat and concubines!”

~ E.D.

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A Loose Contemporary Translation:

I 'm in a good place. I enjoy my job. I have a great house. Ok, I have terrible, terrible commute, but the places I spend my time on either end of that commute are actually quite pleasing. I’m grateful for both and am able to see the glass half full most days.

But. (you knew there was a but coming…)

Every now and when my iTrip is at full volume, the car windows are down, and the wind is whipping around my head, my mind explodes into a visceral symphony of beats, guitar hooks, clever word play, video treatments, expressionist performances, and pangs to shave my head to the scalp along the part, bangs down to my chin. For a brief moment, I pause, hands clutching the wheel as I sit in traffic, wondering if I could ever put it all in PARK and tack hard into the wind, living the life of a bard; poet; singer; performer. Everyone is saying that 40 is the new 30 (whatever the hell that means), so maybe one day I’ll steel up and give it another try.

Or not.

For now I’ll just shift from third gear to fourth and pass this idiot in the Miata. Who the hell still drives a Miata?

~ ::mL::

Posted by mattLandia at 11:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Come on ye green horizon and bring these bones one league closer to Santa Elena and that fat Spanish dog Don Singularez. Give me a beggars minute to string him up by his purpley pantaloons and I’ll give ‘im a row of iron monkeys staring him in the gullet!

If I loose him of his bowels however, I’ll be forced to visit that dreadfully boring Huguenot colony three days due southeast, where I sense I’ll come away a poorer soul, infected with stench of cheesy Frenchmen.

I’ll revisit the wretched cow Singularez and throw myself against his stone balustrade, for he’ll not get the better of this Briton! For weeks now, I’m braced in flint and lock that fails to fire. Why only yesterday, I fired thrice before finally connecting with a foolish mans’ right ear. I was aiming for his left knee. The shame of poor pistols dipped in silver is not lost on a man who values the color of gold; yet greater shame for a man who pays gold for silver, and returns to pay yet again for more.

Ay, this is bitter grog indeed.

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Contemporary Translation:

I’d love to take that stupid Cingular logo creature and tie it into asinine balloon-animal shapes. Better yet, I’d love to walk into my local Cingular kiosk and cram my latest new phone (the SLVR) into someone’s ear and yell “can you hear this now?!”

But if I go to another provider like Version or T-Mobile, I’ll have to pay my way out of a freshly signed two year contract, so I’m effectively I stuck with Cingular. I’m such an idiot. Why did I sign another two year contract for a phone whose only cool feature is that it plays iTunes? The keys pads are too close together. The menu of options is completely non-intuitive. Where the hell is the mute button? And where in the advertisement did it mention the reception feature that makes checking your voice mail sound like this: “Hello, you have... Hi Matt, this is... Bank… penalty… there was a man with a horse… French women… carnival rope… and Munster cheese.” Reception with Cingular, for me, is an daily exercise in "What the huh?"

Shamefully, I won’t exact any true revenge on Cingular because I can’t afford the penalty to get out my contract, and I’ve got like 2000 roll over minutes built up. 2000 minutes people. That’s like, hmmm… like at least 6000 garbled voicemail messages! Woo-hoo! Instead, I’ll hand them my Visa card, bend over, and say “So I need… phone… shiny and new… please… of course I want a feature like… prison rape… and cool ring tones…”.

Wireless contracts suck.

Posted by mattLandia at 05:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Monday through Friday of this week, I’ll be participating in the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign or GBBMC for short. I’m doing this in support of Paul Davidson’s new book entitled The Lost Blogs.

As part of the contest / marketing push, I’ll be writing a blog entry a day in the voice of a historical figure. I had to pick a historical figure not already included in The Lost Blogs, which was tough considering Paul has already written in the voice of figures ranging from Jesus to Jim Morrison.

In my own personal spin on this contest, I’ll write a blog entry in the voice of my historical figure, followed by a translation of the entry into my own voice. If you’d like to make a guess as to the owner of my historical voice, just make a guess in the comment section on each entry.

And on with the charade!

Posted by mattLandia at 02:24 PM | Permalink

During a conversation with a work colleague this week, he made this observation. When considering the character of a person, these two questions can serve as a pretty good guide:

1) Do they use the Force for good or evil?
2) Do they believe that if everyone gets more pie, it follows that they will also get more pie; or do they believe that one should always work to get the most pieces of pie?

Chew on it.

Posted by mattLandia at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

God bless Joe Rogers and Tom Forkner. Seriously. If it weren't for them, I may have missed some of the more sublime moments in my life. These guys founded Waffle House, and in the South, well Waffle House is about as sacred as Christ Almighty and Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Tonight, for example, I was sitting in the warm of a booth by myself, minding my own business and plowing my way through a plate of eggs and grits. As always, I watch the line cook out of the corner of my eye, convinced that one day I'll figure out how they get everything cooked so damn fast. The place was mostly empty so the line cook, a large toothy smilin' black man with gray corn rows was jawing with the waitresses.

"Hey, ya'll wannplay sumthing on the jootbox?

Waitress #1, roared back at him as only southern black women can, "Ooo yeah honey. What number we want girl?"

Waitress #2, my waitress, suggested "How's about a little Mariah. Ooo gurl, she shure can sing..."

Waitress #1's response startled me and made my night all at the same time. In her bellowing, black African queen swagger she said "hell naw gurl. Play 5502. I like to hear me sum Green Day."

So we did. Each patron finding solace in greasy, soul warming food, heads bobbing to Green Day with the most unlikely Green Day fan doing dishes behind the counter.

Yup, god bless Joe and Tom for whipping up grits over Dixie.

Posted by mattLandia at 09:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's been crazy hectic in mattLandia the past three weeks. I have much to report:

Ataricharm is done! -- I've been tinkering and rebuilding my alter-ego site for MONTHS. Everytime I started to make some headway, I would get pulled a different direction and all momentum would be lost. Mucho props to Chad at Cityline Media for hooking me up with a logo that I love, and for giving me some help with ideas for layout. Most of you know that I've been doing freelance web deveopment for the past few years, and more recently, some free lance photography. If you enjoyed the photo galleries I used to have up on my site, you'll find some great new galleries on ataricharm. Let me know what you think!

My brother's wife Julie was in town for a week (he's chilling at mattLandia until they can sell their house in S. Florida while working up here too). It was great to have her back in the neighborhood, and we can't wait (especially Jordan) for his whole family to finally sell the house and move up here! Extra large "do-what-you-have-to-do" props to both Jordan, Julie and kids for putting on a happy face while they are so far apart from each other!

But my biggest, hugest, largest, "can't believe I finally get to say this" news is: I HAVE A NEW ROOF! I have been stressing over this for about three years now, patching what little holes I could, waiting for the day when I would have enough cash to have it fixed. I don't know what would have happened if I had waited another month, because the last rain storm induced tropical waterfalls in various areas of the house that are decidedly non-moisture areas. Howe Roofing hooked me up!

See my shingles. Hear me roar.

Posted by mattLandia at 05:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)