:mattLandia:

So I'm chilling (house sitting really) at Dan and Brians for the weekend, Boris in tow. I wake up and take Boris out for his morning constitutional, and *click*, the door shuts behind me -- locking me out in naught but boxers and a tee shirt. Awesome.

So here is my brief photo essay on what to do when facing this situation.

# 1 - JUDO CHOP TO THE WINDOW.

Ok, as much as I admire Chuck Norris, my jumping round-house-kick just wouldn't reach 8 ft up. So instead, I stood up and balanced on a garbage can, boulder in tow, and then heaved it through the pane of glass -- after THREE TRIES. First two heaves glanced off with the dull 'thunking' sound of a white man in boxers who is beyond humiliation.

#2 - CALL IN SECURITY TO GUARD THE HOUSE.

I called 1-800-MUSTACHE and had Michael show up to guard. Note: Men with mustaches are 27% more likely to do a better job guarding stuff. It's a fact. Look it up in the latest edition of MAN LAW. The reference can be found in the chapter entitled "Burt Reynolds and Other Hard Core Man Stuff".

#3 - ENGAGE CAULK SKILLS

Sorry folks. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.